Why Sugarless Gum is Important

HUGE IMPORTANT EDIT: It wasn't Cartoon Network who took the video down, it was Frederator. The facts weren't completely clear when I wrote this rant. That was my mistake. I was too pissed off to care if I had all the information. DO NOT SEND CARTOON NETWORK YOUR LETTERS OF DISAPPROVAL. SEND THEM TO THE ANIMATION STUDIO, FREDERATOR. A man was fired as a writer there for supporting us, and that's just not cool. Don't let this happen.


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For the moment, I'm saying "Screw you" to neutrality, because this is important. I’ve been trying to keep this blog relatively professional and family friendly, and I’m not about to stop now just because I’m angry, so I will refrain from swearing. But please be aware that any “clean” curse words would normally have been replaced by something of a far filthier caliber if this blog was more casual. I’m sure most of you are smart enough to figure out my true meaning. 

Anyway, onto our main subject of the night: the executive higher-ups at Cartoon Network are freaking pansies.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, an extended preview was leaked last Monday for the newest episode of the popular Cartoon Network show, Adventure Time.

  

You should also know that the lead storyboard artist for the episode, Natasha Allegri, thinks that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline (whose full title is Marceline, the Vampire Queen if you don’t watch the show) would be a cute couple. She even draws fanart for it. Beautiful, beautiful fanart.

The episode aired on Monday, September 26th, and it all but completely confirmed that Bubblegum and Marceline are, or at one point were, more than just friends. An official Adventure Time recap and behind-the-scenes blog on youtube frequently asks fans to answer questions, either about the show itself or something related to that week’s episode. The channel posted an episode recap that asked fans: “What do you think of Marceline and Bubblegum getting together?”

The response was staggering. Countless people (myself included) shared their support in the comments, saying that it would be inspirational and extremely progressive for there to be a canonically queer couple in a children’s show. The couple, affectionately nicknamed Sugarless Gum by some fans, is soaring in popularity.

It has been twenty-four hours, and the afforementioned video has since been taken down by Cartoon Network. Allow me to express my and much of the fandom’s opinion on this turn of events in the following manner.

 

THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY.

I have a message for you, Cartoon Network: you can NOT act like this episode never happened just because sheltering suburban soccer moms might get their knickers in a knot.

You took it down because it was “controversial,” right? Well, how is a canonical queer relationship any more controversial than the rest of the crap you market to kids? Countless adult jokes have made it past your censors, but a girl having an innocent crush on another girl is too controversial for children’s television? How is it alright to keep children in the dark about queer people? How is it alright to deny them the truth that it’s okay to have a crush on someone of the same gender?

To quote Finn, that’s bunk.

Shows like Glee and Modern Family feature openly queer characters, and they treat their relationships as they would treat a heterosexual relationship: like it’s completely normal. And more importantly, these shows are billed as being family shows. When will a children’s show take that same step? I could go on for hours about all of the gay jokes that make it onto network television, but that would take up an entire essay.

Which just makes it that much worse that you refuse to acknowledge a loving, normal, romantic relationship between two girls. You won’t let them be anything other than expressly heterosexual, yet you’ll tell endless jokes about gay men for the sake of getting a laugh?

Is that all that queer people are to you? Material for jokes? An excuse to draw cute girls kissing “for the lulz”?

Well, I’ve got news for you, Cartoon Network, and for all of you homophobic jerks who insist that we’re making a big deal over nothing:

This is not “pandering to the fan base.” This is positive representation of a minority in mainstream television. This is teaching children that it’s okay to be gay. This is not about cute ships: this is about progress. And as much as you’d all like to deny it, there is an inevitable truth that will come to light someday. Maybe it won’t be here, or now, or through Adventure Time, but you are only delaying the inevitable. Someday, you are going to have to accept it:

We’re here, we’re queer, and we watch cartoons, too.

If you agree with my opinion at all, please click this link to find out how to help.

When There's No Polite Way Out

Something strange and somewhat unnerving happened to me the other day, and I've found myself wondering if I could have handled it differently.

Do note that anything in quotes is pretty much verbatim.
 
Let's go back to the end of my work day last Thursday. I had just gotten off work and had taken the first bus to get home, and was walking to the bus stop for the second one, when I realized that there was a... not-so-savory looking gentleman sitting on the bench. I supposed that I could ignore him, like I do with everyone I see at a bus stop, but he asked me politely when the bus was coming, and I answered. After buying a snack form the corner store and realizing that the clerk was marginally more creepy than the man outside, I went back to the bench. As I had been on my feet all day, I decided to risk interaction with another human being by sitting on the other end of the bench.

How naive I was to think that my headphones would deter him from speaking with me.

I tried to stay distant as he asked me polite questions, not wanting to share too much with a complete stranger, but I realized that not only was this man elderly, he was disabled. He had a cane with him, and judging by his speech patterns, he seemed to have some sort of mental illness as well. He looked to have fallen on hard times, and for all I knew, he might have been a disabled war veteran. I figured that he might be lonely, so I indulged him in polite, impersonal conversation.

And then it became abundantly clear that he was the most absurdly bigoted person I had ever had the misfortune to be within five feet of. The moment I let it slip that my job involved being outside, he told me that I had to watch out for muggers and rapists just because "ya'll are a female and they'll getcha". I realized that I had to get out of that conversation quickly, so I mentioned that I was a black belt and could take care of myself (which also served as a way of subtly warning him to keep his distance,) and that I worked in front of a church where parents drop of their preschoolers and so was probably safe because of the location.

"Yeah, well, you're still not safe. This city is full of Mexicans, blacks, Asians, all kinds of people. And some of 'em don't even believe in God."

In retrospect, I wish that I had said something like, "I think the diversity is part of what makes Denver so great, thank you," and walked away, but I'm too polite for my own good, so I dodged his racism and stuck to the topic of me being a badass for ten seconds until the bus came. Words cannot even describe how happy I was to see that bus.

We got on, and he told me to get on first despite him being disabled, which I suspect was him trying to invoke the "ladies first" rule. I sat in a seat that already had a person in it so that I could avoid him, and I almost made it through the rest of the trip okay, but when we got to his stop, he very rudely (and without caring that half of the bus saw) smacked the bar in front of my seat with his cane to get my attention and said something to me. I had my music on, and I wasn't about to actually ask what he had said, so I nodded and mmhmm'ed until he got off.

Then I got home and took a long shower.

I hate that I'm so polite. That entire situation could have been avoided if I'd just said, "I don't want to talk right now," but I couldn't even do that. I know that I could have done so many things differently, but I panicked under the pressure of trying not to be an asshole to a disabled senior. How was I supposed to know he would be so unbelievably hateful? I know that it's no excuse, but I get so flustered because of my social anxiety that I couldn't think of any other way to handle it at the time.

Not that his rampant misogyny and racism would have excused me for being an asshole to anyone, but I know I could have called him out without being obnoxious if I had just a little bit more chutzpah. Still, this is something that's been bugging me for a while. I don't know if I'll ever get a proper answer.

The Double Edged Sword of Abelism

Derp. What do you think of when you read that word? At this point, “derp” is synonymous with making a funny face or saying something foolish or questionable. It’s also used in ragecomics, but it’s used in that context as onomatopoeia for generic activities (e.g., derpin' around outside) or as a replacement for the names of real people. Of these two examples, I am going to be talking about the non-ragecomic usage, as it has more significance.

Why?

Because “Derp” is an extremely abelist term, whose usage in referring to having trouble speaking or making weird faces is a blatant reference to the effects of Down Syndrome.

Why bring this up now? Because the Warriors of Social Justice have begun a crusade against this demeaning word. Being a neutral party, I’ve tried my best to stay out of the field of battle. But the Warriors are very vocal about it, and with good reason. It’s hard to ignore, and though I may be Apathetic regarding many things, that does not mean that I have no Good path on my moral compass. Abelism really upsets me, and in this particular case it effects me directly, because I am a proud member of the Guild of Bronydom, and our reverence towards those cute little equines has spawned a character called “Derpy Hooves.”

The Bronies noticed an animation error in one episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, possibly a joke thrown in by one of the animators, wherein a background character was seen with “derped” eyes. Her popularity among the Bronies has not gone unnoticed by her creators. Derpy soon went on to make many more cameos in other episodes, complete with her signature walleyed stare. Even the creator of the show, Lauren Faust, has used the name “Derpy” when referencing the gray pegasus pony.

Despite her popularity, the connotations of Derpy Hooves’ name have gotten some Bronies into an uproar about the ethics of calling her by a name that makes light of and even pokes fun at mental disabilities. I personally prefer to call her by the name of an unseen, presumably klutzy pegasus referred to as Ditzy Doo, but we have no way of confirming that these two ponies are one and the same. As it stands, the existence of this character and the acknowledgement of her name by the production staff of My Little Pony is disconcerting, to say the least.

But before we brand the internet meme of “derp” as something to be shunned, abolished, and otherwise hated, read a few more words and think about them.

Stupid. Moron. Imbecile. Idiot.

I’m going to assume that, upon reading those words, you thought of this guy:

or this guy:

or, if you’re into anime, you might have thought of this guy:

(And possibly the fans of his show, depending on your tastes, but that’s neither here nor there.)

The word “idiot” is used in normal society as away of referring to someone who is foolish or commits folly. But in its original meaning, it referred to someone who had an IQ below 25. In that same vein, “imbecile” referred to someone with an IQ between 50 and 26, and a “moron” meant someone with an IQ between 70 and 51. These meanings fell out of use in the psychological field in the early part of the 20th century, and have since evolved into derogatory words meant to be used as insults.

And don’t get me started on the word stupid. That word has been around since the mid 1500s. Language evolves over time; words and their meanings can sometimes change drastically. Consider the word “lame”. It was once used to reference a physical handicap, but, after having left the English vernacular for a time, is now a slang word that generally means “not living up to expectations” or “boring”.

I have mixed feelings about the word “retard”, because while it may be offensive to some, it also seems to me to be a very poor name choice. The word comes from the Latin word for “slow”, which isn’t exactly a misnomer, but it is somewhat misleading, as the “slowness” associated with Mental Retardation is not the most prominent symptom. The word from which that name is derived is also used in other places. Flame retardant fabric slows the progression of fire, water retardants seal wooden decks, and a musical term that denotes playing slowly is called “Retardando.” It almost begs the question of whether giving names to mental disabilities should be given more thought.

I am not, by any means, trying to condone using abelism in everyday speech. However, it’s always important to remember that the English language, like all languages, is ever-evolving, and abelist remarks are no exception to this rule. As much as it pains me to say it, I think that “retard” has already entered the common English vernacular as a slang word akin to “idiot”, and “derp” is headed very quickly down that same road thanks to its popularity on the internet. Unfortunately, Derpy Hooves’ name may just be here to stay.

There is no easy answer to this problem. One way or another, someone is going to have to lose this battle. And no matter how much I wish that the opposite were true, the Warriors of Social Justice have no logical means of winning. The teaming masses of blind fools that inhabit the Internet who hold their “derp” meme so dear will never succumb to the good intentions of the Warriors. Even those with good intentions use the “derp” meme without knowing the full gravity of its meaning. The bottom line is, this battle can have no happy ending.

I, however, am content to sit by, without getting any more involved than I already have by writing this. Hopefully you’ll give this topic some thought on your own, but I have no opinion to give you, one way or the other.

Except that doing the Down Syndrome “wrist to chest” movement in public is a huge feux pas and there's no excuse for it.

The Bardic Journey Begins

Well, hello there, dear readers! Welcome, all, to my first blog post!

I've been taught many things in my life, and one thing that I've learned is that I'm good at writing. I don't want my first post to seem too boring, and I might as well make a good impression. Here, for your reading pleasure, is an essay from my most recent English class. Seeing as medieval history (and fantasy) is my forte, this particular paper seemed relevant. Rest assured, most of my other posts won't be nearly so academic.